One week..
That's how long I haven't smoked. Smoking is bad but sometimes I just want it so badly, I'll do anything for just one toke. But right now I think that I'm really over it.
"One more kiss could be the best thing
One more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve"
- 3 Doors Down - Let Me Go
Yup, smoking is not something I deserve. One week's an eternity for a smoker that stopped cold turkey. I'm not yearning for the taste of nicotine . For the smoke to enter my lung and exhale it out.
Those who know me would say that this is just another one of my so-called quit-smoking-for-good-but-would-end-my-words-later thing. But I think this time it's different. I really think that I could really quit this time. I could feel it. And I think that it's the right thing to do.
For one, my body is not what it used to be. Before I could outlast the Energizer bunny. I could make 50 rounds around the football field and stop for a smoke and go for 10 rounds more. But nowadays, a simple game of half-court basketball tires me.
And I don't wanna die a painful death. Dying from emphyzema is brutal. It's as if your life slowly drains out of you. You know that you're dying, you wanna look like you're still strong but you can't help it. You're helpless and you're love ones are there by your bedside, at your mercy, listening to your every moan, watching every little movement your finger makes, hoping that by some miracle you get out of that dreadful situation. Barely breathing, maybe that's your karma for sucking in a lot of oxygen because your body compensates for all the smoke you take in.
I could still remember the time when I was just a kid and Daddy Dolf stood as my second father when his brother, my father, died. Then last year he died fom emphyzema. He was the strong one. The last remaining male elder standing. We all look up to him. I said to myself I'll quit for good. I quit alright, I quit in quitting smoking. I said that I won't quit smoking. I'll be a smoker for life, and I'll die for it.
But now, I'm quitting once again. I'll quit my quitting on quitting my smoking. Getz? Hehehe
I hope I could really do it this time. This one's for my Daddy Dolf and the rest who died because of cigarette smoking. And I know I'll feel better than sunshine when I totally get it out of my system.
Current Mood: 
contemplative
rebtunes: Wolfgang - Halik ni Hudas
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